නතාලියාඅදදිනපැවසූකරුණක්නිසාමාතිගැස්සීසිටිමි. මගේසිතනිදහස්නැත. ඒමොහොතේඇයගේබියතුරන්කිරීමටකතාකළදමගේබියදඊටදෙවැනිනැත. ඇයමානිසාගැබ්ගෙනනම්සිදුවන්නේකුමක්ද ? ඇයගේඋවමනාවමතඅපඅනාරක්ෂිතසබඳතාවක්පැවැත්වූයෙමු. මොහොතේආශ්වාදයමතමමදඊටඑකඟවීමි. දැන්එමෙන්දහස්ගුණයකමානසිකආතතියකින්පෙළෙමි. “What if I am
pregnanat?“ඇයගේපැනයමගේදෙසවන්තුළදෝංකාරදෙයි.
ගබ්සාවමෙසියල්ලෙන්මිදීමටඅවස්ථාවක්නොවේද? එවිටමේසියළුතීරණසඳහාමටතවත්කාලයගතහැකිවනුඇත. එහෙත්ගබ්සාවපාපයක්නොවේද? එයසියළුආගම්වලටවිරුද්ධනොවේද? මාආගම්අදහන්නෙක්යැයිමමනොසිතුවෙමි. එහෙත්කලලයක්විනාශකිරීමමිනිස්කමටනිගාදෙන්නක්ද? මෙලොවටඉපදීසමාජයටවිත්ගැටළුවලටමුහුණදීමටවඩාකලලයක්ලෙසමමෙලොවින්තුරන්වීමවඩායහපත්නොවේද? හෙටදිනයේදීදනතාලියාමාඅමතා "What if I am
preganant?"කියාවිමසුවහොත්මාහටතවමපිළිතුරක්නැත.
බියපත්වීසිටිනාඇයසැනසීමදුෂ්කරවිය. අන්ධයෙකුටතවත්අන්ධයෙකුටමගපෙන්වියහැකිද? "What if I am
preganant?"ප්රශ්නයඇයඇසුවේනැත. බියකරුයථාර්ථය, එනම්පිළිතුරක්නොමැතිපැනයක්ඇසීමෙන්ඵලක්නොවනබවඇයටවැටහුණුසෙයකි.
ගමනඇරඹුණුමොහොතේපටන්ඇයඉතාසැහැල්ලුවෙන්හැසිරුනාය. මගේඋරහිසේහිසහොවාගෙන Arash ගේ I am so lonely Broken Angel ගීතයමුමුණමින්සිටියාය. රථයසෙමින්ධාවනයකරමින්මමඇගේඋණුසුමවිඳින්නටතැත්කළෙමි.
From : Anne Nathalia Pereira Sent 02/11/2009 10:25pm To : Santhush Disanayake Santhush,
Am I too forward? Am I too open? I have been open with you about my feelings,
but not about my past.
I always feel relaxed when I am with you. You bring lot of
warmth to my life. You care for me. You remember me. It is something that I am
not used to. No one used to remember me.
My mother had her own issues in her marriage. My parents
were separated from the days that I can remember. Ammi started living with a
friend of Thathi’s when I was 5. Thathi started his own family life. Akki and
me were at a place in Nawala with one of our aunts. I came back to live with Ammi
after I finished my schooling. She never had time for me. She thought we should
look after ourselves.
Soon I married Ryan against Ammi’s wish. I now feel that I
wouldn’t have married him if Ammi didn’t object. Maybe I wanted to hurt Ammi. End
of the day it was me who got hurt.
I took decisions; I always took decisions on my things,
since there was no one else to take decisions on behalf of me. But the problem
was I took wrong decisions. And I was foolish enough to adamantly hold on to
those decisions.
Ryan was a mistake. I liked the way he enjoyed life. He is a
party animal. But I didn’t realize that it was the only thing that he did. He
came home drunk every day. Certain days he didn’t do that as well, he stayed
somewhere. I had to be alone in the rented house. Oneday I found out that he
had another woman in his life. That was the end of it. I came back to live with
Ammi. I was married and divorced by age 20.
I thought it was good to be divorced than be with the wrong
person. Wrong again. Every man I met wanted to sleep with me knowing that I was
a divorcee. Others thought that I sleep with everyone I am friendly with. I
could not have friends, I could not go out. All of them wanted sex. I was
frustrated, I was fed up. I was about to lose my senses. I wanted to disappear
from this world, to be away from the wicked world. Yes, I just did that.
I changed my job, email address, mobile number and
disappeared from the known world. It was easy since I had very few friends. To
the new office and new set of friends I was single and unmarried. Then you came
into my world. Here I am telling you everything.
I don’t know why I am telling you all these. All the things I
have hidden from the world, I am telling you now.
I am not asking for anything
from you. May be only asking you to continue treating me the same way you have been doing.
I like the song "I am so lonely broken angel" by Arash. I am sure you would have listened to it.
Love.
Nathalia
I'm so lonely, broken angel I'm so lonely, listen to my heart
I have loved you Don't let my eyes cry No, I can't Without you I'm depressed
I'm so lonely, broken angel I'm so lonely, listen to my heart One and only, broken angel Come and save me, before I fall apart
Where ever you are I'm beside you To the end, I'm crazy of you You, you don't know that you are my life Come back to me
I'm so lonely, broken angel I'm so lonely, listen to my heart One and only, broken angel Come and save me, before I fall apart
La la leyli la la leyli la laaa...
I'm so lonely, broken angel I'm so lonely, listen to my heart One and only, broken angel Come and save me, before I fall apart
I'm so lonely, broken angel I'm so lonely, listen to my heart One and only, broken angel Come and save me, before I fall apart